An Intro to Self
Most of us have an intuitive notion of self. And it is usually woefully limited.
“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” - Rumi
Regardless of any shortcomings, our conception of self allows us to have relationships, goals, and experiences that seem to aggregate as our identity.
Curiously, we have a concrete experience of self despite the reality of malleable memories, constantly changing preferences and goals, and lots of our cells getting replaced every 7 years.
By default, we have an off-the-shelf concept of self that comes through direct experience and cultural inheritance. Given the role of self and its wildly ephemeral nature, it seems worth exploring at least a little bit.
The following is intended to expand our notion of self to give us more to play with when attempting to understand our motivations, actions, and the possible range of experience available to us.
False Self
The English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott saw the false self as a defensive façade.
In the extreme, behind a mask of authenticity, the false self could stop our spontaneity and vitality and leave us feeling dead and empty.
Left unexplored and unaddressed, we might spend our lives, even very successful ones, under the oppression of the false self. As successful as we might seem to others or ourselves, we'd be left with the nagging feeling that authenticity is possible, even just around the corner, but never realized.
Knowing this, we can take time to look closely at our experience and ask honestly: how often am I genuinely authentic? Like, genuinely. If we'd like that answer to be more, that's some strong incentive to start exploring how.
Multiple Selves
Another perspective holds that we are many selves. All these parts of us have different views, feelings, desires, hopes, fears, rationale, cognitive faculties, and even memories. As a self, we are actually a council of selves.
Knowing this, we can consciously give attention to our many parts. Hold good council meetings, hear what the crew has to say, and then do our best to make more informed decisions.
True Self
Returning to Winnicott, he used the idea of a True Self to describe the experience of feeling alive with freedom, spontaneity, and authenticity. According to Winnicott, "Only the True Self can be creative, and only the True Self can feel real."
Knowing this, we may want to figure out to get more of it. It can be a long road, but a starting question is: What stops me from feeling alive, free, and authentic?
real self vs. Ideal Self
In Carl Rogers's self-psychology, the idea of the "real self" is juxtaposed with the ideal self. The "real self" is who we are in our actual thinking, feeling, and doing, and our impulse to actualizing our potential. The "ideal self" is who we wish to be based on who we think we need to get the attention, recognition, and love we desire.
Knowing this, we can begin to shed light on how are our ideal self may be socially constructed. In so doing, we can loosen our relationship to some of those ideals and begin to bring our chosen ideal self more in line with our real self.
Adaptive Self
This concept, or constellation of concepts, explores a dynamic vision of self that changes throughout life and adapts to circumstances. Sometimes we adapt successfully, sometimes we maladapt and need re-consider our approach to pursuing and getting what we desire. The adaptive self can erect the False Self's facade, but the adaptive self can also realize it would rather have the True, or Real, Self's freedom and creativity and work toward that. These processes can happen unconsciously or consciously.
Knowing this, we can marvel at the resilience of our organism to get what it needs. We can also pay attention to when our beings are whispering or screaming for change. And then start taking the steps in the direction we want to go.
Real Self
The "Real Self" is found more in mystical and spiritual literature and is often associated with notions of the soul. This concept typically posits a Real Self unaltered by the bumps, bruises, and demands of life. In some traditions, this Real Self or soul is the self that reincarnates or goes to an afterlife. In other traditions, the Real Self is the divine itself. The Oracle of Delphi's imperative "Know thyself" is echoed in the Sufic assertion, "Know thyself and thou shalt know thy lord."
Knowing this, we might accept that some mystics have had non-ordinary experiences self. That possibility might, in turn, stir our own interest in having such experiences.
No-Self
Buddha, among others, argued there is no self. Self is an illusion and source of all the suffering. Self is a construct based on evolution, conditioning, social reinforcement and is entirely non-existent. The experience of self is a habit and can be undone, leading to unimaginable freedom, a freedom beyond what the True Self has access to, as this flavor of freedom comes with insight, wisdom, and understanding.
Knowing this, we can inquire into our own experience of self. Can we locate it? Is it stable and persistent? Where does it come from? Where does it go during deep sleep? Why are we attached to it? What experiences are possible if we let the self go?
Universal Self
This idea has some substantial overlap with Real Self and No-Self. Vedanta, Neoplatonism, Hegel, among many others, have versions of a universal self. The Universal Self idea holds there is only ever one self. One. Big. Self. The universe. The One. The Only Being. This is monism. From this view, all the other selves discussed are just tiny blips or waves in an infinite ocean of SELF.
Knowing this, regardless of how painful life might be, we can relax and enjoy the show and hope that we'll eventually awaken and recall the absolute condition. Meanwhile, we can do our best to relieve suffering and maximize joy in ourselves and, of course, in others.
Exploring the self is a vast and amazing subject. While there’s no absolute agreement on what the self is, our pursuit of understanding illumines a wondrous terrain.
Enjoy the journey.
