The Gift of Invitational Questions
“The moment you ask a question about anything, you acknowledge that you do not know and that you also have a sense of what you do not know.” AH Almaas
Questions initiate revelation.
Intentional questions can surface layers of valuable information.
Questions can also be wildly manipulative.
There are several types of questions often recognized. We’ll explore them through doughnuts (longer descriptions of each here and here):
Open-Ended: “How’s the doughnut?”
Closed: “Do you like the doughnut?”
Recall: “What type of doughnut did you eat?”
Leading: “Was the doughnut good with the coffee?”
Loaded: “Have you stopped eating five doughnuts a day?”
Rhetorical: “Who doesn’t want a doughnut?”
Another type of question we want to acknowledge here is the Invitational. This question form invites deeper contact with the object of inquiry.
What’s it like to eat that doughnut?
How do you feel when you eat doughnuts?
What do you love about doughnuts?
These questions help orient our attention toward an experience, memory, or imagination. That orientation can deepen our connection with that thing. And when it’s something we value, love, or have an interest in, that focusing of attention can enhance our experience.
In truth, the invitational question is often a version of open-ended or leading questions. However, here the question is asked in service of the one answering, not in service of the one asking. As such, it’s a gift.
Typically, we’d find such questions asked by a therapist, coach, or spiritual guide. However, invitations to turn toward what we love are safe and can be used broadly.
Questions that invite us into a deeper relationship with the things we value are true gifts. When we give them freely and sincerely, our friends, family members, and colleagues welcome them warmly.
While such questions are given as gifts, don’t be surprised if you find yourself unexpectedly delighted in the responses.
Enjoy!
